Like Those Who Dream
Psalm 126
When the Lord brought back the captivity of Zion, We were like those who dream.
Then our mouth was filled with laughter, And our tongue with singing. Then they said among the nations, “The Lord has done great things for them.”
The Lord has done great things for us, And we are glad.
Bring back our captivity, O Lord, As the streams in the South.
Those who sow in tears Shall reap in joy.
He who continually goes forth weeping, Bearing seeds for sowing, Shall doubtless come again with rejoicing, Bringing his sheaves with him.”
This passage has been woven throughout the last many years of my life. Such a beautiful description of what it’s like when the Lord fulfills the promises He’s made. When He turns ashes to beauty, when He exchanges mourning for gladness. It’s a promise, it’s a picture, it’s a hope, it’s the word of the Lord.
But it’s interesting how easily the enemy can turn a promise, a description of God’s goodness and intent toward our everyday lives into a threat or a taunting mockery, something that is for everyone else but not for me, something just outside my reach.
The first time this verse came alive to me, I was in the darkest time of my life. I honestly had no business holding onto any promises of any kind. In the very lowest part of this hard place, where I felt like I had lost everything—all relationships, all security, all hope—I received this verse for a friend. It was so true for them, a beautiful promise fulfilled that they never thought possible.
But while I’m handing over this amazing word from the Lord, I am myself gutted and without any hope for my own life. I saw this verse and remember thinking, “that will not be for me. There is none of that in my future.” My future felt very solidly secure—in death. I didn’t have any wondering of what was going to happen—I knew what was going to happen. I knew that I was just going to continue to listlessly live my non-life without hope of any change.
I mean, I’m a professional Christian, so I knew I was SUPPOSED to have hope. But the thing is, I had battled with fear my whole life. I had battled against fear’s threats and lies my whole life—the ones that would say if you do it wrong, you could ruin it. You could lose everything. The ones that said I will protect you from losing everything you hold dear if only you will listen to what I say. Fear and worry and think ahead and protect and go back over every conversation, and if you do it wrong, it could all be over. You could lose it all.
I would fight back, because I know that’s not the Lord’s voice, nor is it even remotely the truth. I recognized the voice the enemy in it, but honestly it was hard to battle on my own. Fear can just sound so convincing. But I battled and surrendered for years and years, always coming back to the Lord for more help, more hope, more strength. Always refusing the lies that said you could destroy everything you hold dear.
And there was such victory. Little bit little, here and there, giant breakthrough by giant breakthrough. I remember the feeling of finally being more convinced of the Lord’s strength and victory than I was of the enemy’s lies. The lies were held back—still within view—but held back from completely toppling me over.
Fast forward to this dark time, at the very beginning, when all my relationships and securities and hopes and dreams and thoughts of what life is like were crumbling around me. When I was losing everything of who I am and what I’ve been. When I suddenly have no idea where I will go, where my home will be, how I will possibly survive this loss. I remember distinctly the voice of fear saying to me “I was right. You really CAN lose everything. You really CAN ruin everything. I. Was. Right.”
And I couldn’t fight it anymore. With my life in ashes, I had no more weapons, no more strength, no more examples of the Lord’s faithfulness. The devastation in my life far surpassed anything I had ever experienced or even imagined possible to experience. I felt like I was buried alive, neither dead nor alive. Just moving through the days trying to breathe as little as possible, not sure if it would be air or dirt filling my lungs with my next breath.
These verses. That there could ever be a time in my life again where I had laughter in my mouth. Where I could look back and say the Lord has done great things for me. There was no hope of that.
But y’all, The Lord IS faithful. And while I couldn’t hold onto hope, the Lord held onto me, and He was at work—and you better believe He had to be HARD at work to overcome the mountains in my life. What can only be described as miraculous, He restored my life. He restored relationships and life and hope and who I am and who He is. It wasn’t all at once, but it began all at once. And turning around that I had been 100% confident would never happen. A life that I thought I would never live. And I was like those who dreamed—this passage came back to my mind many months into restoration. When we were brought back from captivity, we were like those who dream.
At a few different points over the last couple of years, He has brought this verse back to me again and again. Points of blessing and healing that I just… I never could have dreamed of. Beyond what I could think or ask or imagine. My mouth filled with laughter, living as if in a dream. Look at what the Lord has done for us—the Lord has done great things for us.
It has been years and years since I’ve battled with fear like I used to daily. But this last year, in the face of uncertain and potentially dooming circumstances and relational questions, I felt myself swept into the labyrinth of fear once again. It’s like the dam holding back the force of this current of fear broke, and I was drowning in a sea of doom. And I again heard the voice of fear say “I was right. Don’t forget I was right. You lost it all once, you could lose it all again.”
And because I HAD lost it all once, I couldn’t argue with it. The voice went further, “These were not the blessings of God in your life. These were things you grabbed for yourself. Things you just wanted, and so you slapped the name of God on the side of them to make yourself feel better. You say you were like those who dream? The truth is, it WAS a dream. And now it’s time to wake up, because this is not real life.”
I thought that I knew how to battle fear. I thought I was stronger than this. I thought the Lord had delivered me. How could I be overcome again? Was it true? Was this all a dream? Did God really say these things? Was this His hand or mine? The swirl of voices and questions and fears and doubts. The verse no longer a promise but the mark of my own selfish ruination.
But after drowning and battling for a little bit, I heard the Lord’s voice. I heard Him say what He said to the Israelites who’d been wandering in the wilderness for 40 years. Who’d been parked near Mt. Horeb waiting for the Lord’s instructions. Who were NOT living in the place the Lord had promised them… yet. He said, “You have dwelt long enough at this mountain.” It’s time to get up, time to move, time to leave behind what has been and go to where I am taking you.
We had some beautiful baptisms in our church over the weekend. A marker that signifies leaving behind the former way of thinking of living. The former place where I hadn’t yet surrendered this life this path this season to the Lord. Baptism that represents laying down the old me and picking up the garments the Lord has freshly waiting for me. Washed pure as snow. With no marks from all the old battles and journey.
I’ve journeyed with the Lord quite a while now. And this is not the first time He’s said to me “You’ve dwelt long enough at this mountain, it’s time to come with Me to something new.” But I had to freshly choose to leave behind the familiar foe. I had to freshly choose to believe the Lord for victory. I had to freshly believe the Lord’s voice over the voice of fear—which can sound so convincing and so much more “real.” Because “real life” doesn’t always work out. This isn’t Disney Jesus. Sometimes you do go through hard things. He never promised you wouldn’t…
The point isn’t what are all the possibilities of what could happen according to real life. The point is what does the Lord say TO ME. I hold onto what the Lord says TO ME. And when He moves the pillar of cloud or the pillar of fire, THAT’S when I move. I don’t move and dance and maneuver based on the pillar of “real life.” I move and dance and surrender based on the Word of the Lord TO ME. And in the absence of a fresh word of God, I turn to the WORD OF GOD in the Bible. What does it say in the Bible? What verse has stood out to me? The one that says “when we returned from our captivity, we were like those who dream. We sewed in tears, but we reaped in joy. We didn’t think it was possible anymore, but the Lord HAS. DONE. GREAT. THINGS. FOR. US.” And He who is faithful to have done will do it again.
Though I had already had the victory over fear in my life, I still live in the world where the ruler of the age is greater than me. So I had to freshly choose to believe and leave behind the “old” way of thinking and believing—even though I had already left it behind once before.
It feels scary to leave fear behind. Because fear feels much more tangible, so many more “practical” things to hold onto. What if I’m not hearing the voice of the Lord? What if this is just me again?
A few weeks ago I had the amazing privilege of working on a project with our church that has honestly been a secret life-long dream. Just a silly little thing that is more meaningful to me than it really should be. And all the way through, I battled with whether or not this was something the Lord wanted me to do or if it was just something I kind of forced to happen on my own. Not a bad thing, but not necessarily a “ministry” thing.
Right before the project came to its beautiful radical fruition, our pastor messaged me with this:
“Hey! I know this week is so hectic and fun and wonderful! But I want you to know the Lord reminded me of the verse for you…”
“When the Lord restored the fortunes of Zion, we were like those who dream. Then our mouth was filled with laughter, and our tongue with shouts of joy; then they said among the nations, “The Lord has done great things for them.” The Lord has done great things for us; we are glad.”
Psalm 126:1-3 ESV
“I know this has been a verse you’ve had on your heart in the past, but doing HiTops and fulfilling that dream in your heart, is still the fulfillment of dreams He is doing and still continuing to do. The best is yet to come!”
The first time that I hadn’t just grabbed this verse for myself, but someone gave it to me.
From the Lord. For me. Because it IS His promise. And it IS for me. The Lord has done great things for us. He has delivered us, He is delivering us, and He will yet deliver us. The best is yet to come.
