When There Is No Hope

When you’re in a place where there is NO hope, it can be hard to hear about hope from someone who’s on the “other side” of their experience.  When they’ve already had their hope fulfilled, but your heart is still “sick” (Proverbs 13:12).  Lest you think all this hope and trusting in the Lord business just comes naturally or is so easy–it’s only easy to describe what the Lord HAS DONE after He has done it.  It is NOT easy to wait and hope for what the Lord MIGHT do.  It is not easy to not know what will happen–how’s a person supposed to hope when I have NO guarantee that things will turn out the way that I “hope”?

I wanted to share something I wrote long ago–we’re talking 17 years ago–when I first encountered life-altering devastation.  So shocking to my soul, because… I mean… I know God…  Isn’t He supposed to…  Doesn’t He…  But He didn’t…

At the time that I wrote this, life had “taught” me that things were NOT going to work out.  I had nothing circumstantial from God to refute life’s claims.  And there in the pit of overwhelming despair, God sat with me.  And I ended up–again, with my circumstances still lying irreparably shattered on the ground–with this…

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Often our life experiences tell us not to hope.  If we lean on our own experiences, our own understanding of what life has to offer, we can end up hopeless.  Hopelessness promises to protect us from disappointment, but in reality, it keeps us from life.  And it offers the biggest temptation where we have the biggest desires.  

My biggest desire for the last few years has been to have a baby.  Due to various health challenges and the proof of this broken world, I have lost two babies in miscarriages.  I have ridden the waves of hope up, and come crashing down, nearly drowning in the force of hope deferred.

When my husband and I first wanted to have a baby, we knew there would be health challenges, but we believed anyway.  We believed as though there was nothing to fear; partially because we had no previous experiences telling us any different, partially because we knew that our God is a loving God who has good for us all the days of our lives.  And we believed the promises He had whispered to our hearts.

After the first miscarriage, I was left with a “hope” that was more of a bitter demand that life be different.  I kept hope in the closet of my heart, just in case God decided to do something to change my circumstances—wouldn’t be surprised if He decided to do something miraculous.  But I let hopelessness be my heart’s houseguest.  I declared hope, but wallowed in hopelessness.  

I did not WANT to hope, because that meant risking disappointment and grief.  

It took a bit for me to come back to hoping and believing that God had good in store for me, and that His good, His plans could erase the bitter taste of a discarded hope.  

And the Lord was faithful.  What I wanted, what I almost dared not hope for, came true—we were pregnant again!  

And then we were not.  

This time I clung to hope, because I believe what the Lord has said to me.  I believe Him.  I couldn’t believe much else, but I could believe Him.  Life had stolen what the Lord had given, but the Enemy could not steal my hope.

Lately, I have once again found myself believing as though there’s nothing to fear.  I am anticipating and hoping and talking as though I haven’t had the “life lessons” that have truly been my experience.  

I believe as though the Lord has fulfilled my biggest desire, even though He hasn’t.

My hope is lighthearted and carefree.  But my belief is deep and sure.  Like those mentioned in Hebrews 11—those who hoped and believed the Lord’s promises even when they had not seen results—I embrace the Lord’s promises and declare them to be true even though I have “nothing” to show for it.

But the thing is, I DO have something to show for it.  The Lord HAS been faithful.  Even though my circumstances have not yet changed, He has been near, He has been comforting me.  And He has changed my heart.  If He can make my crippled heart walk and even dance again, then surely He can change my circumstance.  My arms do not yet hold a baby, but they are by no means empty.

“Life” (read “hopelessness”) would say dare not hope, because you know where it will end up; you know that just as the Psalmist momentarily feared, God has “forgotten; He hides His face; He will never see” (Psalm 10:11).  But the Lord says that hope will not disappoint, because of how much the Lord loves us—how much He loves ME (Romans 5:5).  And since nothing can separate me from the Lord’s love, then NOTHING can separate me from the belief that these tribulations will end in my hope’s fulfillment.  I have tribulations, I am living in perseverance, I am gaining character—next stop, HOPE.

There is something to be said for deciding that the Lord is good when things are hard.  But lately, something has been stirring in my heart beckoning me to not decide that things will be hard.  Life is not easy, but God is very good.  And His desire is that we have life to the fullest.  The Enemy wants to tell us that life is hard and life will always be hard.  But I believe the Lord is saying to many of us to not be discouraged, to not listen to those lies.  I believe He speaks back to the Enemy and says, “with lies you have made the heart of the righteous sad, whom I have not made sad” (Ezekiel 13:22).  We don’t know what the outcome is, but we know the Lord.  And like David, I want to pray Bless me, and I will praise you (Psalm 30:8-12)!

I believe the Lord.  I believe Him so much, I can stand in the face of affliction and hopelessness and of my own will declare that I WILL hope.  I WILL believe.  And I WILL see the Lord’s hand of goodness in my life HERE ON EARTH.  He has NOT forgotten, and my hope WILL be fulfilled. 

I hope again, and there is nothing that can make me fear.

“I would have lost heart, unless I had believed That I would see the goodness of the Lord In the land of the living.  Wait on the Lord; Be of good courage, And He shall strengthen your heart; Wait, I say, on the Lord!”

Psalm 27:13-14

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There is much more that can (and surely will, knowing me!) be said about the spaces between paragraphs.  There is much more than can be said about the “ending” to this story.

But for today, I am just going to leave us in this place.  In the place where hope is NOT fulfilled, where circumstances are NOT changed, where the Lord has not touched the physical.  I want to leave us IN the desert, IN the pit, IN the stable, IN the loss.  Because that’s where He is near.  It’s not ever ever ever ever where I want to be.  But if I’m there, I want HIM there.  Because He is my only hope.  Even when there is nothing left to hope for, when there is nothing He could do.  He still does.  I have desert after wilderness after pit after stable to show for it.  You will, too.